It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m picking up a lot of chatter on this topic. I’ve read some good articles about the pros and cons of being single, married, or otherwise. Instead of reiterating, maybe I’ll share a few of my insights.
Single’s treated me pretty good but the truth is that I don’t know exactly where marriage could have taken me, and not sure it would do me any good to know. I grew up with married and single people. There was never anything in-between; you were either one or you were the other, like black or white. You could make white black but you couldn’t make black white. My world views changed more or less the same time that Facebook came up with “it’s complicated.”
I frequently get friend-zoned with girls, which is great but not wonderful. This is where two “single” friends enjoy spending lots of time together. We’ll do lots of things, get dinner several times a week, and make all kinds of plans—some of which are carried out. We’ll play games—innocent ones like Scrabble or Rummikub—go shopping together, have theological debates, cook meals, all the stuff that people of “in a relationship” status would be expected to do—except nobody’s expecting us to do it. The next day is kind of a repeat, except it’s probably with somebody else—another friend. I like to think we’re somehow happier this way due to the low overhead. This is certainly debatable, though, and is frequently a topic of conversation between us.
I say I’m ready to settle down, but this is probably pretty far from reality. The reality is that the type of person I want could not put up with me. It’s not a big deal to go without seeing a “single” friend for a week or two due to career and travel obligations but this could be devastating to “married” status. The reality is that I thrive on a lot of change. My career promises demands that few are willing or able to meet, and I’m good with that.
Friends understand this. They can balance multiple commitment fronts without loosing their heads—or their hearts. We know where we stand and aren’t afraid to share those feelings. I need someone who understands a high-stress job and know which buttons not to push. At the same time, I want to be sensitive enough that someone can ground me with a word. Whatever happens though, the future’s a mystery and that’s the great part about life.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all my married friends. It’s your day and I’m happy for you. You don’t even have to think about me today. When you do, though, don’t feel sorry for me because I’m not “married.” ♥